5 Signs you're doubting yourself

And how to stop doing those things

The biggest thing that’ll hold you back in anything you do: Self Doubt.

Whether you’re a business owner wanting to launch a new product, an employee wanting to find a better job, someone who dreams of a better relationship or you simply want to take that solo trip after years of planning it.

The thing that’ll stop you from taking the leap is the doubt that you can really make it happen, that you could really achieve it.

What’s worse is that self doubt isn’t always easy to spot.

A lot of the time, it’s masked as fear.

And fear’s there to keep you safe, to protect you.

If you can overcome the self doubt, you can take action towards what you want to achieve and the more action you take, the more self confidence you’ll create.

So let’s look at the 5 secret signs of self doubt and the simple steps you can take to overcome them:

Comparisonitis

Instead of using Instagram to feel inspired, you quickly find yourself down a rabbit hole of perfectly created celebrities and influencer accounts where post after post is of someone living the life you wish you could.

Seeing someone else achieve your desires isn’t empowering you and showing you what’s possible anymore, it’s making you think you’re not good enough.

This is self doubt creeping in.

When we’re feeling good about ourselves, when our confidence levels are high and we believe in ourselves, we use these types of accounts to fuel us. They become inspiring and empowering, paving the way for us and showing us what’s really possible.

But when the feelings of self doubt are strong, it’s more likely we’ll fall into comparison mode which stops us feeling productive or prevents us from moving forward.

Quit the comparisonitis

The simplest, easiest, quickest way to pull yourself back from the black hole of comparison is to unfollow anyone who doesn’t make you feel good. Whether they’re friends, family members or someone you met in a field at Glasto, you need to choose yourself in this scenario and unfollow them.

If you really, really want to keep following them, hit the silence button so you don’t see their stuff in your feed.

You deserve to choose yourself. You deserve to protect your mental health.

Procrasti-deciding

You have a decision (or 5) you need to make but you can’t. You go back and forth, thinking of the pros and cons, trying to picture the two different outcomes.

You procrastinate when it comes to making the decision and the longer you put it off, the more stressful it becomes.

This is self doubt making you question yourself and your ability to a) make the right decision and b) follow through on the decision you make.

You don’t trust yourself to make the right decision so hold back on making any decision at all. Be mindful though, sometimes not making a decision is a decision in itself.

Make decisions with confidence

If you’ve got a decision to make, firstly know this: No matter what you decide it will be the right decision for you in that moment. Maybe in 6 months time, you’ll have made a different one but in the moment you make it, it’ll be right.

Pro/con lists can help you to decide what to do but I personally prefer to listen to my gut instinct and go with my intuition. To connect more with your intuition, you could do a guided or silent meditation, go for a walk in nature or spend some time journaling.

Write in your journal: “Dear intuition, I need to make a decision about X, Y, Z but I’m not sure what to do. Please show me the answer.” And simply allow the words to fall out onto the page — without judgement.

When you feel good about yourself, it’s easier to make a decision so why not whack on your favourite playlist at full volume, have a dance around and then decide what you really want?

Avoidance

You know those tasks on your to do list that you keep moving to tomorrow?

You’re avoiding them because you doubt your ability to complete them.

Pretending they don’t exist for the day might make you feel better in the moment but tomorrow, you’ll start the day feeling guilty about not getting it done the day before.

There’s a time and a place for delaying tasks, of course. If something requires you to be at your best (i.e. creating content or clearing out a box of memories) then it’s totally ok to delay it until you feel in a good place mentally.

But be honest with yourself about why you’re avoiding that thing.

If you’re avoiding responding to that message, asking for a pay rise, booking that holiday or launching that podcast, it’s likely because you’re doubting yourself and/or doubting whether you are deserving of the outcome.

Stop avoiding the thing

Open your journal and take a moment to ask yourself ‘why am I avoiding this?’.

Again, let the words flow out and see what comes to the surface. When you create self awareness around the things you struggle with, you can start to overcome them and choose new thoughts or actions that support where you want to be.

Once you’ve uncovered why you’re avoiding something, take action to turn things around so you actually get that thing done.

And then make sure you celebrate yourself for overcoming the self doubt and avoidance.

Ignoring people

I’m the worst for this…

You see the little notification of a message from someone you’ve been chatting to. Perhaps they’ve enquired about your services, asked you out for a drink or they’re simply responding to a question you asked them.

Instead of continuing the conversation straight away, you ignore them for a few days, a week, maybe even a month.

You know they want to work with you, want to take you out or are genuinely interested in what’s going on with you but the self doubt is making you think you’ll fuck up somehow by not delivering what they wanted, you won’t be a ‘good’ date or they’re not really interested in being your friend.

Before you can do anything to mess up, you ignore that person (often subconsciously), putting them off before you have the chance to ruin things.

Ignore no more

Once or twice a day, spend some time keeping on top of these relationships.

Set yourself a timer for 10 minutes and respond to all your messages.

So that you don’t fall into the overthinking trap, get into a state where you feel good before you respond. Move your body to release stagnant energy and release feel good endorphins. Repeat affirmations that remind you you can’t get your response wrong. Remind yourself that these people want to hear from you.

*Sidenote: There are days where it’s ok not to respond to people. When you don’t want to respond because you want some time to yourself, don’t. We’re in a space now where people expect immediate responses thanks to the technology that enables us to do that. But you don’t owe anyone an immediate response.

Perfectionism

Hi, I’m Rebecca and I’m a recovering perfectionist.

Trying to get everything perfect means you doubt that anyone could like you just as you are — you feel like you’re not enough.

But the truth is, all that time you’re spending on trying to be perfect, look perfect, take perfect action, is time you could be using to actually do the damn thing.

Perfection doesn’t exist, no matter what you’ve been told, how you’ve been raised or what you were taught throughout your life.

Be messy, be unpolished, be yourself and you’ll create more genuine, authentic relationships along the way.

Embrace being perfectly imperfect

The next time you find yourself changing your outfit 15 times, re-curling that one section of hair or faffing around with your website, stop.

Tell yourself you are good enough and repeat Mark Darcy’s words to yourself: “I love you, just as you are.”

Rebecca Hawkes is a Confidence & Life Coach. If you’d like help increasing your confidence 1:1, go here to book a session at the Confidence Clinic. You can visit Rebecca’s website here and follow her on Twitter here. Enjoying Rebecca’s content but don’t want to commit to a monthly subscription? You can buy her a cocktail to show your support here 🍸